Soci@lByte

I am amused by many things – limericks, classic episodes of Golden Girls, Dinobrain. What I am not amused by is that strange, perplexing group of people who incessantly complain about Twitter’s:

• Instability and pending demise
• Trivality and pending demise
• Incoherence and pending demise

Yet! These people stick around, their Twitter accounts serving as glorified RSS feeds of their latest bloggy prognosticating about how Twitter is a flawed monstrosity, according to the latest findings from Such & Such (as you know, they are the premier, industry-leading providers of cross-platform solutions).

I, for one, am tired of their prattle. I am tired of their babble (I get enough of the latter on Twitter itself). The chip on their shoulder would look much better on a TV series about highway patrolmen on sweet motorcycles*.

So I’m asking them to leave Twitter.

Bid your followers farewell. Uninstall TweetDeck. Bye-bye, bit.ly. Find other sources of traffic. No more Twitter for you. Delete, delete, delete. You never understood how to use it anyway, dummy.

Instead, saddle up and wait for someone to tell you about the next big thing you should kvetch about. (The NYTimes says it’s Foursquare. Sharpen those barbs!)

Twitter doesn’t need you befouling its dreamy streams.

* “CHiPs” reference, y’all. Unbelievable.